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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?